Secrets of My Hollywood Life: Family Affairs Read online

  Copyright © 2008 by Jen Calonita

  All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

  Little, Brown and Company

  Hachette Book Group USA

  237 Park Avenue, New York, NY 10017

  Visit our Web site at www.lb-teens.com

  First eBook Edition: May 2008

  ISBN: 978-0-316-03239-1

  Contents

  One: The New Girl in Town

  Two: TGIF

  Three: Dressed for Success

  Four: Seeing Red

  Five: I Heart Alexis

  Six: Bliss Interrupted

  Seven: Learning Curve

  Eight: Fever Hysteria

  Nine: Alexis Exposed

  Ten: What Happens in Vegas,Doesn’t Always Stay in Vegas

  Eleven: Dance as if No One’s Watching

  Twelve: Read It and Weep

  Thirteen: Crossroads

  Fourteen: Do or Die

  Fifteen: Truce and Consequences

  Sixteen: You Can Run,but You Can’t Hide

  Seventeen: The Last Supper

  Eighteen: Happy Birthdayto Me

  Acknowledgments

  A Preview of Secrets of My Hollywood Life

  Also by Jen Calonita:

  Secrets of My Hollywood Life

  and

  Secrets of My Hollywood Life on location

  For my parents, Nick and Lynn Calonita, with much love

  FAMILY AFFAIR—SEASON 15, EPISODE 4

  “The Truth is Always the Hardest to Hear”

  FADE IN:

  1. INT. HAMILTON HOSPITAL, PAIGE’S HOSPITAL ROOM— AFTERNOON PAIGE has fallen into a coma after having surgery to repair the damage she sustained to her vertebrae from the limo crash on the day of KRYSTAL and LEO’s wedding. DENNIS, KRYTAL, LEO, SAMANTHA and SARA cling to each other as DOCTOR BRADEN discusses Paige’s weakening condition.

  DR. BRADEN

  I’m not going to lie to you, I thought we lost her. But she’s stable now and we have high hopes that she’ll pull through this.

  DENNIS

  My wife has to make it, Dr. Braden. How can we help her?

  DR. BRADEN

  Talk to her. We’ve found that sometimes people in comas can hear their loved ones. Unfortunately, in Paige’s case, the coma isn’t her greatest obstacle.

  KRYSTAL

  I know the surgery was rocky, but I thought you said it was a success.

  DR. BRADEN

  It was, but Paige also lost a lot of blood and needs a transfusion. Paige’s blood type is quite rare and no one in your family is a match.

  SAMANTHA

  Our mother is a fighter, Dr. Braden. She beat breast cancer, a drive-by shooting, and survived the Buchanan Manor fire. I know she’ll hold on till we find someone.

  Dr. Braden pulls Dennis, Krystal, and Leo aside to continue talking. Through her tears, Sara sees COLBY, the tall, beautiful new girl at Samantha and Sara’s school. Colby’s wearing torn jeans and a beat-up hooded sweatshirt. She’s standing at the vending machine, but can’t stop staring at the Buchanans.

  SARA

  Hey, Sam, isn’t that Colby? (Sam looks over.) What’s she doing here? She’s been trying to decide on a candy bar forever.

  SAMANTHA

  Maybe she’s got family in the hospital too.

  SARA

  I don’t think she has family. (whispering) Lila told me she had to get to school at 6 AM on Tuesday to get ready for the pep rally and she found Colby sleeping in a storage closet! Colby begged her not to tell anyone.

  SAM

  You think Colby’s homeless? (Sara nods.) That’s awful!

  The girls look at Colby. Colby sees them staring and turns to walk away, but hesitates. Finally she walks over to the twins.

  COLBY

  Hi, Sam. Hi, Sara. I’m sorry if I’m freaking you guys out by staring at you.

  SAMANTHA

  (quickly) Not at all! How are you? Do you know someone in the hospital too?

  COLBY

  (shakes her head) Um, no. I . . .

  SARA

  (sounding suspicious) Then what are you doing here?

  COLBY

  I . . . I . . . I saw the story about your mom in today’s paper. I thought I could . . . help.

  SAMANTHA

  That’s sweet, Colby, but I don’t think anyone can help us right now.

  COLBY

  I think I can.

  DENNIS

  (appearing at the girls’ side) Girls, Dr. Braden said we can go in and see your mom now.

  SARA

  (voice quivering) Dad, how long does he think she has if we don’t find a match?

  DENNIS

  Sweetie, we’ll find someone. I promise. (looking at Colby) Who’s your friend?

  SARA

  This is Colby. We know her from school. (to Colby) I don’t mean to be rude, but we’re in the middle of a life and death struggle with our mother. You need to leave.

  COLBY

  But I . . . I overheard the doctor. My blood type is rare too. Maybe I’m a match.

  DENNIS

  That’s very kind, Colby, but it’s not that simple. I appreciate you being here for the girls, but I think you should go now. (Dennis motions for Dr. Braden.) Colby fights back tears as she looks at the Buchanans’ distraught faces. Dr. Braden moves to take Colby away.

  DR. BRADEN

  Miss, I’m going to have to ask you to leave. This is a family matter.

  COLBY

  (starting to cry) I didn’t want it to happen this way. I wanted more time, but now . . . (she pulls Dr. Braden away from the others.) You don’t understand. I am family. I’m Paige’s . . . Paige’s . . . (whispers) daughter.

  One: The New Girl in Town

  “EIGHT more lines than me! EIGHT!” My costar, Sky Mackenzie, charges into my dressing room, screaming like a banshee.

  I look down at my script for “The Truth Is Always the Hardest to Hear,” which is the fourth episode of Family Affair’s fifteenth season. Then I look over at my assistant, Nadine, who is ironing my Stitch jeans for my date with Austin. She rolls her eyes.

  “What are you talking about?” I ask calmly. You see, as much as I loathe my troublemaking costar, I finally found time to read Nadine’s favorite best-selling self-help book (Unlock the True You) and I now know it’s not a good idea to let Sky’s negative behavior get to me. So far the attitude change is working. We’ve been back on the set of our series Family Affair for almost a month and life has been blissfully incident and tabloid-fodder–free.

  “I don’t usually count my lines, Sky, but I’m pretty sure I don’t have eight more than you do,” I say. “I just finished reading through the script and it looks like we’re both at Paige’s bedside after Colby’s blood is used for the transfusion.”

  Sky stomps over to my well-worn Pottery Barn brown leather chair and begins flipping through the script on my lap, her long hair hitting me in the face. I’m not used to seeing Sky with black hair again. She went blond for the Hutch Adams movie, Pretty Young Assassins (PYA), which we shot together this summer, but the creators of our show made her dye it back to Sara’s black. Sky’s hair follicles must have gone into shock from all the chemicals because my FA hair stylist, Paul, told me Sky’s hair is falling out in chunks. Now she has to wear extensions to cover the damage. I think of Sky going bald and can’t help smirking.

  “What are you smiling about? This isn’t funny, K,�
� Sky snaps, her bony chest rising and falling rapidly. I can see her rib cage through her tight black V-neck tee and sheer cream tunic top. Sky spots Nadine bent over the iron and her eyes narrow.

  Personal assistants are a sore subject with Sky. She never seems to be able to keep one on her payroll for more than six months. Sky’s last assistant, her cousin Madison, was fired after she was caught leaking information about PYA to the press. (We found out Madison was the one feeding the tabs awful stories about me over the summer so I wasn’t sorry to see her go.)

  “I’m not talking about your line count,” Sky adds. “Alexis has more lines than me and she’s only been in four episodes.

  Colby is a throwaway character! Her story arc is only supposed to last a few months. How could she already have more airtime?” Sky pouts. “She’s trying to take over the show, K! I can feel it.”

  “That’s what this bonding session is about? Alexis? Does this mean you’ve found someone new to loathe and I’m off the hook?” I ask hopefully. For once, Sky’s hatred is aimed at a costar other than me, which is great because I could sure use the break.

  Since we were four, we’ve been starring on the hit prime-time soap Family Affair playing Paige and Dennis’s fraternal twin daughters, Sam and Sara — I’m Sam, the Goody Two-shoes, Sara is the bad seed — and Sky has been making my on-set life miserable since day one.

  Things got infinitely worse last year, after we started competing for the same movie roles and TV Tome named me the hottest young actress on TV. Of course I was excited, but I was preoccupied too. The truth is, around that time, I was getting burned out by the incessant fighting with Sky, both on the set and in the tabloids. The world knows me as “TV star Kaitlin Burke” or “SAM!” or “Teen It Girl” on one of many Entertainment Weekly lists. But I thought it was time I learned who the girl behind the camera really was.

  So my best pal Liz and I concocted a scheme to give me a few months of anonymity and a much-needed break from Sky. I disguised myself as a British exchange student named Rachel Rogers and enrolled at Liz’s high school in Santa Rosita. The experiment worked. Taking a break from Hollywood made me realize that I have to leave more time in my hectic schedule to just chill. It taught me how to trust people more and to open up to guys. (It’s also where I met my boyfriend, Austin Meyers.)

  Juggling interviews with Ellen DeGeneres and finding time to do French homework was tricky, but I was doing just fine until Sky butted in. She found out about my double life and blew my cover. As if attempting to destroy my career with lies like “Kaitlin hates Hollywood!” weren’t bad enough, Sky continued to torture me by getting a last-minute role in PYA. She spent the summer shoot trying to make the director, Hutch Adams, hate me, break up my relationship with Austin, and tarnish the career I had just patched up.

  I guess you could say, after all that, I’m not feeling much love toward my costar of almost thirteen years. Sue me.

  Sky purses her full lips, which she must have plumped up with Lip Venom again, and scowls at me. “Don’t tell me you’ve fallen for that sickeningly sweet act Alexis is selling everyone from Access Hollywood to craft services. I’m not buying it. I can spot a climber when I see one.”

  “You would know,” I murmur. Oops. That’s not very True You of me. “I mean, cut her some slack. She’s only been on set for a month. She doesn’t know how things work around here yet. I’m sure she’s just overdoing it to try to fit in. It’s got to be hard joining a cast that’s been together forever.”

  “K, for once, could you worry about yourself instead of someone else?” Sky rolls her eyes. “We have to contain this girl’s popularity before it spirals out of control.” I snort. “Only two of her episodes have aired so far and already Alexis is the hottest thing to hit TV since Grey’s Anatomy! The critics love her, the message boards are all about her, and I heard she’s getting invites to all the big parties,” Sky whines. “Her smug mug is all over this week’s People! If we’re not careful, Sam and Sara could be history and Colby could be the new, hot teen star of our show.”

  For a second, I feel a slight pang of jealousy. I mean, I’ll admit, initially I was thinking the same thing Sky is now. When I read the first script of the season and saw Colby’s storyline, I panicked. Colby is Alexis’s character, a new girl at Summerville High that Sam and Sara befriend in the first episode. They don’t know Colby’s homeless, or that she’s got a deep connection to their family. Our creator/executive producer Tom Pullman told the cast the character of Colby was created to cause waves with all the characters on the show for the first half of the season and then the storyline will be wrapped up and the character written off. After I heard that, I calmed down.

  Still, I can’t help but wonder: If Sky and I are as popular as they say we are, why do they need Colby?

  I’m sure I’m just letting Sky’s venomous thoughts get to me. Just because Alexis is around doesn’t mean we’ll be any less popular. That’s ridiculous, right? I mean, having Alexis here has its advantages. Like giving the paparazzi a new face to hound. Hee-hee. “Sky, I think you’re just being paranoid,” I say finally.

  “No I’m not!” Sky says. “Don’t you remember what happened to Mischa Barton on The O.C.? When they needed a ratings boost, they killed her off! Then the show tanked. I don’t want Sara’s Beamer to flip over the side of a cliff with us in it and then FA to be canceled!”

  Hmm . . . maybe she’s right. No, no. That’s silly! Think, Kaitlin. If Sky is venting to you, she must have an ulterior motive. That’s what I should really be concentrating on. “Sky, this is crazy talk,” I tell her. “Alexis has been nothing but nice. She’s not trying to take our roles away. She’s just trying to do her own.” I pause. “And since when are you and I an ‘us’?”

  “I’m not thrilled about making you my confidant either,” Sky snaps, her dark eyes blazing. “I just wanted to warn you.”

  I’m only half paying attention now as I reread the script for episode four, which we start shooting tomorrow. We usually shoot an episode over the course of two weeks. The writers pump out a story, two weeks later we film the one-hour drama, and two weeks after that, it airs. That’s the one thing you can count on in television — a consistently grueling schedule for all twenty-four episodes of the season (we’ve learned the viewers hate repeats so we shoot more episodes than most). I look up and smile sweetly at Sky, trying to remain Zen. “Well, you don’t have to,” I reply. “I can take care of myself just fine. Thanks for your concern.”

  “Suit yourself.” Sky tosses her hair over her shoulder. “But remember: Our contracts are up this year, K. I’m not worried about being renewed, of course,” she says ominously, “but if I were you, I’d make sure you’re seen as valuable around here.

  More valuable than the new girl. Don’t say I didn’t tell you to watch your back.” Sky turns on her black open-toed Christian Louboutin heels and slams the door, knocking my newly framed picture of Austin, Liz, and her boyfriend, Josh, off the periwinkle-painted wall.

  At the mention of the word “contracts,” I freeze. Contract negotiations are not something to joke about. Everyone who works in TV has heard stories about stars whose contracts have not been picked up after a major set squabble or a disagreement about salary increases. Even the most popular star on a hit show isn’t guaranteed to be asked back. That’s why contract negotiation year is always one I sweat a little. I laugh nervously. “Sky is such a drama queen. I have no reason to worry about my conract,” I say to Nadine. I silently pray she will offer me some reassurance.

  Nadine eyes me over the ironing board. She’s giving me her Yoda-like wise personal assistant face, which means I’m about to get a lecture.

  “What?” I say, my voice sounding shrill. “You think she’s right about my contract?”

  “No, silly,” Nadine laughs.

  “Then what?” I ask. “Don’t tell me you think I was being too mean to Sky!” I groan, feeling a sudden wave of guilt. I’m not very good at being the mean girl.r />
  “That’s not what I was thinking either,” Nadine says. “I was thinking how glad I am that you got a backbone on that awful movie set this summer. You won’t let Sky walk all over you this season.”

  “Definitely not,” I say happily, feeling instantly better. I throw my legs over the side of the armchair and wiggle my freshly painted pink toes. I’m not in this afternoon’s scene, so after my four-hour wardrobe fitting, I can leave work at eight to meet Austin, Liz, and Josh for dinner at Les Deux. It’s this restaurant/popular night club known for its desserts, like the cupcake tower full of red velvet, lemon, carrot-pecan, and vanilla treats. Yum.

  Rhapsodizing about cupcakes makes me think of the other thing I long for: seeing Austin. We haven’t hung out since he started school a few days ago. I take out my Sidekick and e-mail him. He and Liz should be in English right now.

  PRINCESSLEIA25: Hey U. How’s English? Boring w/o me? :)

  WOOKIESRULE: U said it. How’s work?

  PRINCESSLEIA25: Good. School?

  WOOKIESRULE: Painful. Already. :(

  PRINCESSLEIA25: Sounds like U need cheering up.

  WOOKIESRULE: Seeing U cheers me up, Burke. CU tonite.

  Aww . . . how cute is my boyfriend? My date is still hours away, but I’m already almost ready to go. I’m wearing an orange Chloé V-neck sweater, tightened at the waist with an oversize brown belt. I’m going to pair the sweater with the jeans Nadine is ironing and have Paul quickly freshen up my hair. (Having a makeup artist and a hair stylist at my disposal is one of my favorite perks!) Paul curled my honey-colored hair, which touches my midback, for this morning’s hospital scene, and my makeup artist, Shelly, just touched up my eye-liner, so I should be good. Seeing my boyfriend, watching Sky squirm, wearing my new Gucci brown suede boots — could this day get any better?

  “But then again,” Nadine frowns and scratches her head as she turns off the iron. Her strawberry red hair almost touches her collarbone now and she’s got a green butterfly clip pinning back the bangs she’s growing out. Nadine’s wearing her standard set attire — a long-sleeved tee, well-worn jeans, and sneakers (today’s are pink Pumas). She loves how casual assistants and the crew dress. “Maybe Sky does have a small point.”