Secrets of My Hollywood Life #5: Broadway Lights Read online

  I groan and fall backward on my bed, landing on my R2-D2 pillow. "I'm never going to be done," I complain. "Just send the rest home."

  "I would, but the box in the hall says Kaitlin's underwear drawer. You sure you don't need that?" Nadine tries not to smirk. Matty snorts.

  I bite my lower lip and cover my face with R2-D2. "Never mind."

  "Just leave it for later." Nadine grabs my hand and pulls me up. "Rodney is waiting downstairs. We're going on another field trip."

  I slip on some Havaianas and follow her dutifully through the rest of the minimalist apartment, which has touches of Asian influences. The whole building is "green" (very Cali), so the people we're subletting from have used a lot of sustainable materials, like a bamboo floor, and have put a compost bin in the limestone and steel kitchen.

  Nadine's "Getting to Know Your New City" field trips have been so much fun! Tuesday night we had a late dinner at Houston's because Nadine knows I'm obsessed with the chain and I love the spinach dip. (I'm so relieved there's a location in New York.) On Wednesday we went to MoMA, and I stared at Claude Monet's Water Lilies for almost twenty minutes. Then we had frozen hot chocolates at Serendipity. On Thursday Nadine took us to the Central Park Zoo and then to Dylan's Candy Bar to stock up on chocolate-covered Oreos (I also bought this cute Dylan's dispenser with a little silver scoop and filled the whole thing with watermelon gummies for Austin). Friday included a trip to the Statue of Liberty, which Dad tagged along for, and then dinner at South Street Seaport.

  "Where are we going today?" Matty asks. "The American Museum of Natural History? That Journey to the Stars movie is supposed to be awesome."

  "Dad wanted to see that on Sunday," I remind Matt. "I'm coming with you, but I'm skipping the planetarium and sticking with the dinosaurs exhibit."

  "Today's excursion might be Kaitlin's favorite," Nadine says with a sly smile. "I'll tell you about it after I get you guys out the door."

  "Can we get something to eat first?" I ask, letting her lead. "I'm starving." I quickly grab my tan Gap spring trench coat with my free hand. It's a bit cooler in New York than it is in Los Angeles in June, which is fine by me. Seventy degrees is gorgeous. I still slip on some oversized Chanel sunglasses, though--seems like all the New York celebrities do it, and I like the way they make me look mysterious.

  "We'll grab a quick bite in midtown," Nadine says. "We're not having dinner till much later." I look at her quizzically. "We have reservations at Dos Caminos at eleven-thirty PM. First up, the Empire State Building."

  Nadine is so organized, even when it comes to sightseeing. I've been obssessed with seeing the Empire State Building ever since I saw Sleepless in Seattle back in the fifth grade. (Yes, I know it's an oldie, but it's on TBS all the time and I love it!) I was kind of disappointed to learn from Nadine that select windows don't actually light up red on Valentine's Day, but I still want to go.

  We wave goodbye to Mom, who is still on the phone. From what I can make out, she is making plans for me to attend some Teen Vogue high tea for teen stars. When we're finally in the elevator, Nadine tells us the big surprise.

  "You got tickets to Wicked?" I freak. I've seen the Los Angeles production several times but haven't made it to the one in New York yet. I have a list of shows I want to see before I start my own, and Wicked is at the top of the list.

  "I called the production office and they hooked you up," Nadine says proudly, and then puts on the Gucci sunglasses I got her for her last birthday. "I told them you were a big fan. They even offered to give you a tour backstage. They do them on Saturday mornings, but they could set up a private one for you if you like."

  Matty high-fives our already favorite doorman, Andrew, on our way out of the lobby. He's an adorable old man who takes his job very seriously, wearing an outfit that looks sort of like a policeman's, complete with a hat. Andrew made us show our ID every time we came or went the past few days--Mom was peeved that he did not know her star children--before he remembered we were new tenants.

  We move through the revolving door, where Rodney is waiting at the curb, and the noise level increases. It's considerably higher than it is at home, but I'm starting to like the sound of taxis honking--just not at one in the morning when I'm trying to sleep. Rod is in his standard outfit (all black even in June) with black sunglasses, his brown head shaved so close it's shiny and a frown on his face as he nurses a soda and cradles a Twix in his right hand. Rodney is never without a snack.

  "What's wrong, Rodney?" I ask as I slip into the air-conditioned car behind Matty and Nadine.

  "I still feel weird not driving while we're here," he grumbles, and closes the door for me. He goes up front next to the driver.

  "I'm mad that Mom won't let me take the subway, but what are you going to do?" I tell him. My biggest pet peeve with Mom so far is that she won't let me go underground. She'd rather I hoof it, take a taxi, or use a car service (her preference). "There is not enough Purell in the world for me to let you go down there!" she declared when I mentioned getting a MetroCard. Nadine just rolled her eyes at her. She's been taking the subway everywhere, and she says that nine times out of ten it's the quickest way to travel.

  "Rod, Seth hired a car service for off hours, and the theater hired Kaitlin one for workdays," Nadine reminds him gently. "It's easier if you don't have a car here. Where would we park?"

  "They have garages," he says gruffly, and takes the second Twix out of the wrapper.

  "I know, Rod," I say, looking at Nadine worriedly, "but I'd rather not have you waste time trying to park when I need you by my side." New York streets are much more crowded.

  Rodney appears to mull it over. "You're right." I think I even see him smile a little, because the sunlight hits his prized gold tooth, making me flinch. Satisfied, Rodney chats up today's driver (unlike Rodney with me in L.A., the driver we have here changes every time). "Hey, how is the mileage on this thing? Are you from the city? Do you know where the nearest Whole Foods is? I need to get my protein shake mix."

  Nadine's schedule is dead on, as usual. My camera has been living permanently in my coat pocket this week, so we take pictures of our group at the top of the Empire State Building (where I also pose with tourists) and of me insisting we all stop in Macy's and buy something decent to wear to a Broadway show. (I hate how people dress down these days to see theater!) I buy a cute BCBG chiffon taffy-colored, pleated dress to wear, Matty gets Ralph Lauren khakis and a navy polo shirt, and Nadine even splurges on a Calvin Klein cream sleeveless organza dress that's on sale for $65. Rodney sticks with his own clothes despite our begging him to try on a Michael Kors suit.

  Finally, I have a tourist take a picture of us all dressed up outside the Gershwin Theater before we see Wicked. The show is incredible. I've seen the touring production before, but there is something about seeing that time dragon clock and Elphaba flying and Galinda pouting here on Broadway that kicks the magic up to a whole new level. The play flies by and it's all too soon that I'm clutching my Wicked book and staring at the sign on the wall above the exits that says You're Now Leaving Oz. Fly Carefully.

  The streets are packed as people spill out of shows on several blocks at the same time, and everywhere you look tourists are smiling and laughing as they walk along or jump into taxis or waiting limos. It's nice to see so many people in one location that aren't a corral of paparazzi. In Los Angeles, you never see this large of a crowd together unless you're leaving Dodgers Stadium or the Kodak Theater. "Can we walk to the restaurant?" I ask Rodney. The high I have from seeing the show has me feeling all wound up and gooey. "It's so nice out."

  Rodney looks around skeptically. Other than a group of young girls at twelve o'clock--I heard them debating whether to ask me for an autograph--I don't think anyone else notices or cares that I'm here. It's one of my favorite things about New York so far. The anonymity is a nice change.

  Nadine laughs. "Kate, it will take too long if we walk. This is just like the other day when you wanted to walk from
the apartment to Topshop--it's too far when we're in a time crunch. We have dinner reservations in forty-five minutes."

  I keep forgetting that the city is bigger than it seems. With so many stores near our apartment, it feels like everything is within walking distance, which is not the case at home. I guess it's not the case here either.

  "I'll tell the driver to meet us a few blocks down," Rodney compromises.

  The crowd gently pushes us toward the neon bright lights of Times Square. It's impossible not to slow down and look up at the flashing screens and ads here, even if I know I'm walking too slow for locals. I can hear people around us discussing dinner plans (everyone eats late in this town!) or chattering about the plays they've just seen. I can't help but think that they'll be doing the same thing about my show in a few weeks. Will they like the play with me in it? Will they miss Meg Valentine, who originated the part of Andie Amber? It's dizzying to even think about what their reviews will be.

  "Kaitlin, look!" Matty says, pulling at my arm as he points up. "It's both of us!"

  Strangely enough, Matty and I have billboards right next to each other. Matty's is a cast photo from the upcoming Scooby-Doo. The picture is dark and smoky and the cast is smiling, oblivious to the fact that there is big, green, icky monster lurking behind them. Well, oblivious except for Matty as Velma's boyfriend and the CGI Scooby he and Shaggy are holding. It's a really cool print and I stare wistfully at the tagline: THE SCOOBY GANG--SAYING BOO THIS FALL ON THE CW. Even though the CW is continually struggling, it seems to have all the coolest shows, like Gossip Girl and 90210... I so want to be on that network.

  Next to Scooby is a poster of the Meeting of the Minds cast, with me front and center. We shot it at a quick one-hour shoot a few weeks ago when I flew in to meet with the whole cast, who thankfully seem pretty cool. I mean, it's hard to tell at an event where you're smiling, not talking, the entire time, but Ben, who plays my brother, was really nice. I stare up at the poster and read and re-read the words over and over. "With Family Affair's Kaitlin Burke starting June 26th." I take a photo of the posters with my camera, then snap another with my iPhone and send it to Liz and Austin.

  HOLLYWOOD SECRET NUMBER THREE: I don't know about Broadway show posters, but when it comes to movie and TV posters, everything you see on that one-sheet is deliberate. Studios market their shows and movies very carefully and posters are no exception. Every word, every actor name and their placement (the biggest star's name goes above the title), and each image is carefully thought out. A studio will use a good review, even if it's by a no-name outlet or critic, to full effect. They'll enlarge the quote and put the unknown critic's name in small print. Sometimes studios will even deliberately use an image that reminds people subliminally of another movie they liked. The Women had a poster with a ton of writing that looked just like the poster for 27 Dresses, on which Katherine Heigl is wearing a dress made out of words. I guess they hoped women seeing the poster would get the same fun feel, but they didn't (The Women bombed). A Renée Zellweger movie that was dead on arrival looked just like the poster from Sweet Home Alabama with Reese Witherspoon--black dress, sitting/standing near luggage. Studios who try this should be forewarned: If you think the press won't notice the coincidence, you're mistaken and in for a bashing.

  But right now, all I can think about is the fact that I'm here. I survived the end of FA, got myself a new job I'm excited about, and now I have a billboard in New York City. Okay, so maybe I've been on one before for FA or a film, but I've never been singled out as the reason to see a project.

  It's surreal. I'm standing in Times Square staring at a picture of myself in Times Square, and Matty is doing the same thing. I hug my brother as he continues to look up at his dopplegänger.

  "I think I'm going to like this town," Matty says, hugging me back, but never taking his eyes off, well, himself.

  I couldn't agree more.

  Friday, June 5th

  NOTE TO SELF:

  Mon: Mtg w/producers, cast of show and rehearsal. 12PM.

  Next Sat.: dinner w/ Laney.

  **Ask Nadine 2 ship dress 4 prom home!

  Send Austin care package w/ Dylan's Candy Bar loot & cast t-shirt from Meeting.

  TV Tome.com

  Sky and Kaitlin Keep the Catfight Going!

  Sunday, June 7th

  By Haley Patterson

  Hot on the heels of Ava Hayden and Lauren Cobb's second brutal YouTube clip in less than a week dissing Kaitlin Burke and Sky Mackenzie comes a dirty ditty from the rival camp. Fans are atwitter, literally, about Sky's postings on her Twitter account, MySpace page, and Facebook, not to mention her official website.

  "Want to know where Ava and Lauren can stick their videos? In their bony asses! xoxo Sky and Kaitlin," said the post on Twitter, which Sky's publicist confirms is the real deal. Over at MySpace and Facebook, Sky has put up a Top 25 Reasons We Can't Stand Ava Hayden and Lauren Cobb list. Among the gems: "Because they pair leggings with flip-flops. That is SO eighties!" Or "Because lavender lipgloss went out in winter '08 but they continue to pucker up in purple." And this gem: "Because the two haven't had a hit anything EVER, which means their 15 minutes never even started." Our personal fave: "Because the two are like Skittles. Sweet at first, but if you eat too many, you want to barf."

  While Sky's camp has been more than forthcoming in confirming that the statements are legit, Kaitlin's camp has been keeping mum, which isn't surprising. The former Family Affair costars always ran hot and cold, and it would seem unusual that the two would team up for anything, even disses. Still, as one friend of the pair muses, there's always a first time. "The two of them are really mad about how far Ava and Lauren are taking this thing. I wouldn't be surprised if they came back swinging. Hard." Stay tuned.

  MEETING OF THE MINDS

  Time and Place

  Modern day. A high school cafeteria.

  NOTE: References Americanized for Broadway production.

  SCENE 1

  Several tables line the stage. The walls are filled with posters from recent pep rallies, yearbook ads, and flyers from a spring production of Guys and Dolls--pictures of LEO and JENNY are on them. Several students are eating lunch at tables and we can overhear their conversations. LEO and JENNY are at one table with friends, and BECCA, ANDIE, and JORDAN are at another.

  BECCA:

  I'm thinking of leaving for Chapel Hill a month early. I was going to try to get a summer job and make some spending money.

  JORDAN:

  Becca, you have four years to ditch us for Chapel Hill. I thought we had plans here this summer.

  BECCA:

  I love you guys, but I can't handle another eight weeks of being ignored. Pete Summers is having a graduation party tomorrow night and I'm not invited. The only reason I know about it is because I overheard Jenny Waters talking in the bathroom.

  JORDAN:

  Like you'd even go to Pete Summers's party if you were invited, which you're not seeing as how he doesn't even know we're alive.

  BECCA:

  He would if we spent Friday nights at the Hill instead of at your house doing Wii Fit.

  JORDAN:

  Andie, will you back me up here and remind Becks that Wii Fit is what got her into that size six Calvin Klein for prom? Andie? Come in, Andie!

  ANDIE:

  Sorry.

  BECCA:

  Get your fill of him now, Andie. This is your last day to stare. Tomorrow, Leo Sanders will be history, a memory, a yearbook photograph of a guy you crushed on for four years.

  JORDAN:

  She gets the point, Becks. Leo doesn't even know Andie exists. Tomorrow we graduate and after that Leo and Jenny will head off to Berkeley together. They'll grow long hair, stop shaving, and go eco-friendly while our Andie will head off to Penn State and crush on some new Poli-Sci dude she'll never talk to either.

  ANDIE:

  Guys, you know I can hear you, right?

  JORDAN:

  That's the point.


  BECCA:

  We want to spare you another four years of anonymity. Like someone more on your level next time, Andie.

  JORDAN:

  Yeah, don't aim so high. Does the next guy have to win Class Thespian, Best Smile, and Most Popular? No. He just needs to trim his nose hairs and breathe.

  ANDIE:

  You guys, is it so wrong to want more? Just because Leo is all of those things and I'm just... I'm just...

  BECCA:

  A nerd with a perfect 4.0?

  ANDIE:

  I was going to say someone who prefers Monet to Moët. Just because I am that doesn't mean we don't have anything in common. Leo is into the arts, and literature--he got an A on that English Lit paper about Angela's Ashes! He loves Steve McQueen, like me, and hates the beach, just like me, and he thinks the fog is freaky, just like me. (laughs to herself) One time he got stuck in it at his lake house and he thought he ran into Bigfoot, but it turned out to be a cow that got loose from a nearby farm.

  BECCA:

  How does she know all this?

  JORDAN:

  She hangs on his every word in class. I think she takes notes.

  ANDIE:

  Oh, and he tutors inner-city kids, just like me.

  JORDAN:

  Leo tutors a special ed kid in Spanish so he can stay on the football team! That hardly qualifies him for giving back to the community.

  ANDIE:

  My point is, there is more to him than what we see at school, just like there is more to me than what people here see on the surface. I do yearbook, I tutor, I'm in the English Honors Society, but there is more to me than my yearbook entries. I like karaoke, rock climbing, pool, volleyball, and the smell of freshly cut grass. If Leo and I had the chance to talk, he'd know these things.

  JORDAN:

  Yeah, but he's never taken the time to, Andie.

  ANDIE:

  Because we've never had the chance! He's in his circle, and I'm in mine, and we just go around and around.