Side Effects Read online

  “Really?” Sam sounds so excited, my heart might split into two.

  Bitchy Lexi would take this moment to shoot Sam down so that’s exactly what I don’t do. “Did he see which way this guy went?”

  Keith looks hopefully at me. “His best guess was down Route Ten. Thirty-three was closed because of a mudslide.”

  “Excellent!” Sam jumps up and down. “You said Route Ten was where we used to camp, right?” Whitney nods. “Then let’s go!”

  “All right then. You heard, Sam. Let’s load up the car and go!” Keith puts his hands on Sam’s shoulders and steers him back toward the car.

  Whitney and I just stand there and watch until Sam is tucked inside.

  “Do you really think it was Dad?” she asks me, her brown eyes big and wide and way too innocent for this conversation.

  I glance at Zak again, wishing he would look up so I could smile at him. Then maybe he’d smile back and things would be right again. As right as they ever could be when all we do is bicker.

  I choose my words carefully. “Statistically, it’s probably not Dad.” Whitney’s face falls. “But . . . I’m going to be more optimistic from here on out, so yes. It was definitely Dad.”

  Her face breaks into a wide grin. The grin I’m still hoping Zak will flash me when we get into the car. The one I hope Sam will give me again when I prove to him that I’m a sister worth having. When I show Keith I’m not a total screwup. When I prove to Jason I’m a twin he can be happy to have. A smile from Whitney is a good start.

  I slide into the empty passenger seat next to Keith and listen to the engine rev to life again. “Let’s go,” I say and we’re off.

  13// KEITH

  When we pull up to Emmet State Park, I breathe a huge sigh of relief.

  At least something in our lives hasn’t changed.

  The rustic campground looks exactly like we left it. Towering coastal redwood trees (that as a kid reminded me of Star Wars’s moon of Endor) still dot the landscape as far as the eye can see. Wood cabins and yurts are lined up along the river next to fire pits. In the distance, I see the familiar RV site area, the playground, and the camp store and laundry facilities. But it’s the large wood cabin home on the hill that I’m most curious about. Last time we were here a few years back, it belonged to the camp’s longtime owners, the Carraghers.

  I hear the leather seats crinkle and turn around. Whitney is leaning over the third row, watching Jason. He’s staring at a photograph and I don’t have to see it to know which one it is. There was a batch of photos of us camping here, but one sticks out in my mind as much as it does his—us with the Carragher sisters.

  “She’ll probably be here,” Whitney sings, her voice lighter than I’ve heard it in a while. “But I bet her dad won’t be too happy to see you.”

  Jason grimaces, but doesn’t say anything. He’s been quiet for the last forty-five minutes it took to get up here. Zak leans over, looks at the photograph, and whistles. “They’re hot,” he says and Lexi’s head almost spins off its axis. “Who are they?”

  “Rachel and Anna Carragher,” Whitney explains, her voice giddy. “Jason dated Rachel every summer. Her dad caught them skinny dipping two summers ago.”

  “Eww, skinny dipping?” Sam asks. “Why would anyone want to do that?”

  I stroke the scruff growing in on my chin. Skinny dipping is nothing compared to what I was doing with Anna.

  “It was Keith’s idea,” Jason says, sounding defensive. “He said he’d warn me if anyone was coming.”

  Lexi and Whitney both smack me in the head. “Hey!” I duck to get out of their line of fire. “In my defense, I was much younger and not a responsible caretaker like I am now.” Whitney gives me a look. “I was distracted back then.”

  “Is that the trip you lost your virginity?” Jason pipes up.

  “What? No!” I stammer while they all continue to stare at me. Zak gives me a thumbs-up and sly smile. “I . . . this is not a topic of discussion!” They all burst out laughing, even Sam. “I hate you all.” I think this is one of those moments when I’m supposed to be parental. “Everyone out of the car!” I bark, sounding more like Dad.

  I’m out first, mostly so I can avoid them seeing how flush my face is. I hope the cool mountain air brings my cheeks back to a normal temperature. I put my hands on my hips and look around at the familiar patch of dirt, fire pit, rickety grill, and utility hookups. “Here we are. Site forty-four. Our usual.”

  Whitney walks around for a moment before grabbing a long twig and poking it in the darkened fire pit. “Doesn’t look like anyone’s been here in a while.”

  “Did you think Dad would just magically be here when we showed up?” Jason huffs.

  “No.” Whitney pushes her hair out of her face and kicks some dirt around, looking like a bull about to charge. “I just meant it isn’t really camping season right now.”

  “All right, all right.” I put my hands up in a sign of peace before another Connolly civil war breaks out. “Let’s set up camp and then we can spread out and ask if anyone’s seen him. Sound good?”

  Everyone nods and we head to the car to unload our camping equipment. Sam grabs the sleeping bags, Lexi takes the pillows, Whitney hauls out the cooler, and I feel a pit of dread in my stomach when I see Jason and Zak lift out the tent. I don’t remember ever putting this thing together without Dad’s help. The guys drop it on the ground with a thud and I roll the tent around.

  “I don’t think there are any directions on this thing, are there?” I ask sheepishly.

  Zak scratches his head. “You mean you guys don’t know how to put up a tent? I thought you went camping every summer?”

  “It’s been a while.” I pull several different sized poles out of their compartment and look at them like they’re from a foreign planet. “We’ll figure it out, I’m sure.”

  Jason doesn’t look convinced and with good reason. We have no clue what we’re doing. We get the yellow old-school tent up in minutes. Lexi declares the boys can sleep in that one. But a half hour later, we look like we’re playing a game of Twister with the other tent. Lexi’s inside the friggin’ thing, on her hands and knees, trying to hold down the corners. Sam is doing the same from the outside. The poles are in, but every time Whitney and Jason try to bend them in place, they pop back. I’m messing with a jammed zipper on the mesh door and getting nowhere.

  “Here, maybe I can hold it with my foot,” Lexi says and spreads her legs out wide to stand on two corners. Zak does the same in the opposite corners.

  “And I’ll anchor it with my arm,” Sam suggests. He lies down and looks like he’s posing with his elbow, propping up his head and the tent.

  This does nothing because as soon as I push the tent poles back in on one side and Whitney does the same on the other, the whole thing starts to lean like the Tower of Pisa.

  “Whoa! It’s falling!” Zak yells. “It’s coming down.”

  “I got it! I got it!” Whitney says trying to hold up two poles while the tent crumbles around her. She can’t stop giggling.

  “No, you don’t!” Jason is the only one being serious. “You have to put the poles into the holes and then clip the—”

  “Clip the what?” I ask. “Do you mean the zipper?” I pull at the zipper again and realize I’m tearing the mesh. “Ah! Zipper stuck! Zipper stuck!” I yank harder and the tent falls farther. “Abandon ship!”

  From somewhere inside the tent, I hear Sam yell, “Save yourself!”

  “I’m not leaving you behind,” Lexi says with a laugh and pulls Sam out before the tent collapses on them both.

  The two of them are in hysterics and I start in as well. Whitney leans on me, she’s laughing so hard, and I put my arm around her. Zak has his head in his hands and he groans miserably, but I can tell he’s cracking up too. It feels good to not be screaming at each other for a change. Not to see everyone walking around like we’re at a daily funeral. For the moment, we’re happy to be around each other. Then I loo
k at Jason. His face is made of stone. “Relax,” I say and put a hand on his shoulder. “We’ll try again.”

  Jason shrugs me off. “I don’t do tents. I was on campfire duty with Mom.”

  I run my hand through my hair. You can’t please everyone. “Okay then,” I say and can’t help but sigh. “Go set up the campfire.”

  “I will,” Jason huffs. “Anything to get away from you guys,” he says under his breath.

  Thankfully, the others don’t hear him. Sam is reenacting the tent falling by sticking his head inside and then collapsing to the floor.

  “Excuse me? Do you have a permit for the night?”

  When I turn around a girl in a park ranger jacket and hat is staring at me. The outfit may scare people off, but I know the girl underneath it. The brown eyes, long, straight blonde hair, the button nose. I couldn’t forget her face even if I tried. “Anna?”

  Her stern expression softens. I see her pink lips spread into a slow grin. “Keith? Oh my God! What are you doing here?” She jogs over and pulls me into a hug and I smell the welcome, familiar scent of lavender soap. She must still use the stuff. I once mailed her a case of Yardley lavender soap after the summer. For some reason, the fact that she still uses it makes me happy.

  “It’s so good to see you,” I say, my arms still wrapped around her small waist. My hand has somehow made its way under her shirt slightly and I can feel her skin. My own skin warms slightly. I pull my hand away, aware the others are watching. I clear my throat. “I was just going to find your dad. I know we should have gotten a permit weeks ago. I’m sorry.”

  Seeing Lexi, Whitney, and Sam, Anna gives a little wave. She pulls out a clipboard, suddenly all business again. “I’m afraid you’ll have to make do with me. Dad retired last year.”

  “What?” I say in surprise. “Your dad is a workaholic.”

  Anna’s smile fades and she looks down at her work boots, which have mud splattered on them. “Yeah, well, the stroke slowed him down.”

  I instantly feel like an ass. “Geez, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

  She shrugs. “It is what it is.”

  It is what it is. Anna sounds a lot like me.

  “Luckily, this site is free so I can give you a permit right now.” Suddenly the radio hanging off her belt buckle crackles to life.

  “Anna?” The voice on the line has static. “We need you up on the west ridge.”

  Anna pulls the radio off her waist and presses a button. The static goes silent. “Be there in ten.” She looks at me sadly. “I’ve got to run.”

  “You should go with her,” Lexi blurts out.

  The two of us look at each other. Anna’s cheeks are as red as her T-shirt. My sister is trying to set me up. I give her a look.

  “I just mean, you haven’t seen each other in a while,” Lexi says while Zak watches her curiously. “You two should catch up.”

  “You can come along if you want,” Anna says. “I could use the company.”

  “We’ll be fine here,” Whitney adds.

  Anna looks at me hopefully and I crack. I could never resist her full lips and that smell. . . . I’m going to smell lavender in my sleep. “All right, I’ll walk with you for a bit.”

  Anna smiles. “Great.” She looks at Lexi. “You guys keep a lookout for bears.”

  I stop short. “You know I hate bears.”

  She laughs. “As I recall, they’re not too fond of you either.”

  Anna leads the way along a trail that runs along the water. If I’m right, up ahead should be a bunch of boulders and a waterfall that feeds into a larger pool. That’s the site of Jason’s infamous skinny-dipping session that was interrupted by Mr. Carragher. I was supposed to be on watch, but I was too busy getting to second base with Anna underneath some brush near a big redwood tree. I was just glad he didn’t find us too. My hand on his daughter’s boob wouldn’t have gone over well.

  When we reach the waterfall, I can’t help but stop and listen to the sound of rushing water. This was always my favorite spot at the campgrounds. Even before I learned I could make out at Emmet State Park, I’d come here to listen to music on my iPod, or write whatever short-lived girlfriend I had some pathetic love-note postcard. I’d disappear for hours to get away from my family who felt way too suffocating in one pop-up tent. Funny how now I’d give anything to go back to that time and place.

  “Penny for your thoughts,” Anna says and I can’t help but smile. She’s been saying that dorky expression since we were ten.

  “I’m just thinking about how cool it would be to be fifteen again,” I reply. “No one in my family was pissed at me back then.”

  “Interesting.” Anna’s watching me closely as I climb onto another boulder a little higher up than the firs. I hold out my hand to help her up. “That bad, huh? I’ll show you my scars if you show me yours.” She takes a seat on the rock and I sit down next to her.

  “Deal.” I can’t take my eyes off her even in that crappy park ranger getup. At least I know what she looks like with it off. Man, was she always this hot? Her boobs have definitely grown in. I wish I could get beyond second base with her now.

  “You go first,” she says and nudges me with her elbow.

  Back to reality. I fill Anna in on the last year. Watching her face rise and fall makes me feel like I’m reliving the grief and drama all over again. Thankfully, we can commiserate. Like me, she had to leave behind a career she loved to help the family (in this case, with the business). When Anna gets to the part about her dad’s stroke and how it happened, I can hardly believe it. Her dad did triathlons. He was more fit than anyone I knew. By the time I’m telling her about the cops looking for a guy that fits my dad’s description, the two of us are practically sitting on top of each other, we’re so close. Her hands are woven with mine.

  “I’m sorry, I wish I could say I’ve seen your dad, but I haven’t,” she says softly.

  Her lips are so close to mine right now, I can hardly think of anything else. Must concentrate. “It was a long shot.”

  “If he was the man in the bleachers at the ball park, by the time he got up here, the campgrounds would’ve been closed and all the roads leading here washed out.”

  I feel her fingers stroke mine. Breathe. I look at the waterfall again. “So maybe he just kept heading north on the main road and skipped the campgrounds.”

  When I look at Anna again, she’s nodding pensively. “Yeah, that seems most likely.” She tightens her grip on my hands and her brown eyes pop dramatically. “You know, when my dad’s feeling run-down, he always wants to go someplace where he feels like a kid. A place that helps him recharge. Maybe that’s what your dad’s looking for.”

  The thought of him relieving his youth when it should be me enjoying mine bothers me. Without thinking, I pull away and lean back on the boulder with my elbows. “Could be.”

  Anna doesn’t let me get away. She lies down next to me so that we’re side by side. She looks at me. Why does she have to smell so good? “God, life did not turn out the way we planned, did it?”

  I laugh bitterly. “You’re supposed to be living in Manhattan by now,” I remind her.

  She looks away, focusing on the swirling, bubbling water beneath the waterfall. “Trust me, I know. I actually made it to Manhattan for a while. Did you know that?” I shake my head. Anna’s whole face lights up. “I lived in a loft in SoHo with five roommates. It was so crowded and we had zero privacy, but I loved it.” Her smile fades. “But when Dad needed me back here . . .” Her voice trails off and I sigh.

  I know the story too well. As much as it sucks to have Anna’s life turn out to be as disastrous as my own, it feels good to finally have someone who gets what I’m going through. It makes me wish we had more than just one night together. “I wish I could have warned the younger me.”

  “What would you have told him? That we were naively stupid to want our own lives?” She picks at a small dandelion somehow growing between a crack in the rock we’re sitting on
. “Now we’ve got the wisdom of our midtwenties and are so much smarter,” she adds sarcastically.

  The wind blows in my direction and the smell of lavender is overwhelming. So is the feeling running through my body. God, I want her. Right here in the open on a rock, no less. I lean over so that I’m practically on top of her. “I’m pretty sure we’re still supposed to be making stupid decisions,” I whisper as her nose brushes mine.

  “You’re right.” She doesn’t pull away. “We should be partying all night.”

  My nose brushes hers again. Just a little closer . . . “Wasted out of our minds.”

  Anna’s eyes lock on my own. “One-night stands.”

  I don’t flinch. My lips brush hers lightly. “Awkward morning-after breakfasts.”

  She closes her eyes. “I miss being young.”

  Her voice is so sad, I hesitate kissing her, but I can’t stop myself. I press my lips against hers, feeling the warmth return to my body as she kisses me back. I’m not sure how long we lie there kissing, like two crazy teens, before I do something radical. I pull her hand and begin sliding her off the rock into the water. Our feet hit the water and she screeches, but I can tell she likes where I’m going with this. She pulls off her park ranger jacket and I pull off my T-shirt. For a moment, I feel like we’re being watched, but when I quickly scan the tree line and the boulders, I don’t see anything. For a moment, I’m off duty. I can relax. Have fun with a beautiful girl who seems to want to do the same thing I do. I motion to the waterfall. Unlike Jason, I never got to skinny dip here.

  “So let’s be young again!” I begin removing my shoes and socks excitedly. I throw them on the shoreline. “Just for a little while at least.”

  Anna’s already untying her heavy boots, but her eyes remain on mine. “I thought you’d never ask.”

  14// JASON

  What are we doing here? Did anyone really think we’d pull up to one of these places on the Connolly memory train and Dad would just be waiting? “Hey, kids! I was hoping you’d come find me! Let’s go home!”