Side Effects Read online

  God, I sound bitter. I am bitter. I can’t help it. While the others have their little ABC Family sitcom moment back there putting up the tent, I’m keeping it real. We came, he’s not here, let’s move on. But no, they want to stay and do what? Roast marshmallows? Give me a break. We’re not a TV movie. This is real life and ours right now sucks. Why are Keith and the others trying to pretend otherwise?

  I reach a clearing between the redwood trees and scream as loud as I can. My voice bounces off imaginary caverns and hits me in the face. There. That felt better. I don’t even care if the others heard me. Let them think I’ve been attacked by a bear. Okay, maybe that’s harsh. I imagine Sam running down the path screaming my name and now I feel crappy. I’ll head back and let them know I’m okay after I gather firewood for our campfire. But if they think I’m going to sit around and sing “Kumbaya” and all that shit, they’re mistaken. I push through the brush and start gathering whatever twigs and small logs I can find. I hear footsteps behind me. Yep, it’s got to be Sam. Or maybe it’s our family spy. I roll my eyes when I think of Whitney harping on me.

  “Go away.” I gather as much wood as I can carry in my arms. “I’ve got this.”

  “Well, that’s not a very nice hello.”

  I turn around so fast some of the twigs fly out of my arms. I’d recognize that flirty voice anywhere. “Rachel?”

  My skinny-dipping partner is standing on the path in front of me and she looks every bit as hot as she did when we were caught two years ago. I take that back. She looks hotter. Her waist is so small I could cup it with my two hands and my fingers would touch, and she’s still got that gloriously long blonde hair that I adore. Her shorts are shorter than ever, and she’s wearing a hot pink velour hoodie that has me wondering what’s underneath it. She bats her hazel eyes at me.

  “How are you, Jay?” She walks toward me and I feel like a deer caught in headlights. I can’t move. All I can do is watch her hips. “My sister texted me the Connollys were at their old campsite.”

  “Yep. We are.” Ugh. Is that all I could come up with? Lame, lame, lame.

  “Your parents finally dragged you guys back out here.” Rachel looks amazed. Were her eyes always that light? They look almost yellow in the afternoon sun. “How is everyone?”

  My back stiffens. For a moment, I just want to forget. “They’re good,” I lie. “Same old, same old. Nothing’s really changed.”

  “Same here.” Rachel’s fingers tighten around a clunky two-way radio near her belt buckle. If I’m not mistaken, she switches the power to off. Rachel points to the twigs in my arms. “That’s a pathetic pile of wood you have there. Come on,” she motions for me to follow her. “I’ll help you gather some real firewood, city boy.”

  Oh man, look at that ass. It’s even more perky and round than I remembered. Who could say no to following her? I walk along behind her like a lost puppy.

  “So,” Rachel begins as she veers off the path and into the woods. She squats a bug that lands on her forearm with a loud THWACK! “Where’d you decide to go?”

  She’s staring at me and I’m thinking of how she looked in that waterfall, her hair all wet, her skin glistening . . . man, I miss that waterfall. Wait. She just asked me something, didn’t she? What was it? Oh yeah. I didn’t understand the question. “Go?”

  “Yeah, to college,” she says as if it should be obvious, but I’m too busy looking at the sprinkle of freckles on her cheeks. “Junior year! Time to think about these things, although last time we saw each other you were bragging about how you’d get offers from no less than ten colleges to play baseball.” My heart sinks at the words “college” and “baseball.” “Have you been recruited yet? Did you pick Ivy League or a state school?”

  I stare at an inchworm dangling from a string near her head. “I haven’t decided yet.”

  “Did your team ever make it to the high school world series or whatever they call it?” she asks.

  Rachel looks so happy for me, I can’t burst her bubble. Besides, I like her version of me better right now. “Of course! We won too. It was a hell of a night.”

  She shakes her head and I watch her hair move like it’s in slow motion. “You lead a charmed life, Jason Connolly.” Her eyes narrow and her smile turns playful. “The question is: Do you still know how to have fun?” She moves deeper into the trees where I can only see the top of her head and calls me with her finger.

  I freeze. “Your dad will kill me.”

  Her smile wavers for a moment, but I’m not sure why. “Trust me, you’re fine.” She pulls off her velour jacket and leaves it hanging on a branch. Underneath, she’s wearing a tight, pale pink tank top that leaves nothing to the imagination.

  I smile to myself. You know what, Keith? Maybe camping wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

  “Come on, city boy, let’s go get wet,” Rachel says coyly. She stops walking when she sees what I assume is a goofy look on my face. God, I hope I’m not drooling. “Unless you forgot how to play the game.”

  Skinny dipping? She doesn’t have to ask me twice. I begin unbuttoning my shirt immediately. “I’ve still got plenty of game off the field as well.”

  Cheesy line, yes, but it’s obviously effective. Rachel pulls me into the foliage where the two of us begin to run toward that waterfall I remember and don’t look back.

  15// WHITNEY

  Eww! Gross!

  I will never, ever, EVER spy on my brothers again. EVER!

  It was getting dark so I left the campsite to go and tell them we were ready to eat and I found them . . . I found them . . . EWW! Oh God, I saw Keith’s tongue down Anna’s throat! And Jason . . . his shirt was open and he was hooking up with Rachel. Watching your brothers get busy is worse than seeing your parents kiss. Maybe that’s because young people are better at the makeout thing, so it feels like you’re watching a porno or something.

  All I know is that I was so freaked out that my hallucinations kicked into high gear and suddenly Keith and Jason were singing One Direction’s “Kiss You.” Jason would rather die than be seen singing One Direction, so if that wasn’t weird enough, then I saw pixie dust flying around the darkened night sky and all these foxes and bears came out to sing along with them. They were oversize animals with giant papier-mâché heads like I was in some sort of carnival. It was so bizarre; I’m sure I’m going to have nightmares tonight.

  Jason’s hand was on Rachel’s boob! Gross!

  I’m still shuddering and mumbling to myself when I stumble back on our campsite. I appear from behind so the group doesn’t even realize I’m back. Sam is lying on the picnic table eating gooey s’mores while Lexi and Zak are roasting marshmallows, their heads so close they’re practically attached.

  Oh no. Are these two going to make out too?

  I stop short, afraid I’m about to witness another sibling moment I’d rather forget. Sam, cover your eyes!

  Lexi and Zak stick their marshmallows in the fire at the same time.

  “Sorry.” Lexi is sort of quiet. “You go first.”

  “No, you go,” Zak insists.

  They both find a way to roast their marshmallows at the same time and all I can hear is the crackling and popping of the fire, which illuminates their bodies with an eerie red glow.

  “So . . . do you like camping?” Lexi asks, sounding as awkward and tense as I usually do.

  Zak looks at her. “Do I like camping?” he repeats. Lexi shrugs. “So we’re doing small talk now?”

  “I’m trying,” Lexi says softly, and Zak sighs.

  “Okay, I hate camping.” He emphasizes the word hate. Lexi starts to laugh. “I’m serious! I’m not a fan of bugs or snakes and I’ve read people eat like four bugs a year in your sleep. Why add to that number?”

  Lexi laughs harder. “That’s not true, is it?”

  “Would I ever lie to you?” Zak is dead serious.

  The fire pops and hisses as their heads move closer. I feel like I’m watching a movie.

  Time
to press the Pause button.

  “Hi!” I say extra loudly, walking quickly over to the fire and sitting down on one of the logs. Zak’s and Lexi’s heads spring back like rubber bands and they put enough space between them that Sam could squeeze in the middle. Instead, he joins me on my log. He’s wearing some bizarre raccoon hat on his head.

  “Where the hell did you go? I was about to call Anna and tell her to send out the rangers to look for you.”

  “Do not call Anna,” I say emphatically. “Or Rachel. They’re both busy making out with Keith and Jason.” The image makes me feel like bugs are crawling all over my body. “Grossness. Total grossness. I may never be able to look at either of them the same way again.”

  Lexi laughs. “Those two need to blow off some steam. Let them have some fun for an hour or two. Someday you’ll understand.”

  “Oh, I understand already.” I quickly grab a marshmallow from the bag near Sam’s feet and stick one on the end of a long twig. “I’ve been kissed before.”

  Sam looks at me. “You have?”

  “Yeah.” I focus on the marshmallow in the fire, watching how it goes from white to a fiery black before burning off and getting crispy. “The kiss was kind of anticlimactic actually. I don’t get why everyone’s so obsessed with doing it.”

  “You weren’t doing it right,” Lexi and Zak say at the same time.

  I look up. They’re both staring at each other again. Zak looks away first. My face starts to feel hot and then my hands. The fire takes on a bright blue hue, and I know it’s happening again. The side effects are about to take over. Maybe it’s a good thing, even though it’s happening again so quickly. The last thing I want to do right now is watch Lexi and Zak make out while I sit here with Sam.

  Lexi shifts uncomfortably on her log and looks at me. “What was so wrong about the kiss?”

  “I don’t know,” I say, reliving when Jack Berger kissed me on that band trip to Phoenix last spring. We had gone for a walk after dinner and were sitting by the hotel pool when it happened. Jack had braces, and I remember feeling them with my lips. It definitely ruined the mood. “It was fine at first, but then he tried to . . .” I can feel his tongue pushing into my mouth. It tasted like Red Hots. I hate Red Hots. “Ick. I don’t want to think about it.” My speech feels like it’s slowing down. I know that’s just a side effect of the meds as they kick in. “Kissing is not what it’s cracked up to be.”

  Lexi stands up. “Oh really? You’re wrong and I can prove it.” She grabs a lantern and runs into the yellow boys’ tent. Her body is outlined in black. When she comes back out, she’s transformed into a flapper from the Roaring Twenties. Her hair is tucked into a short bob and her bright pink dress is covered in fringe. I know this is just a hallucination, but she looks great as she starts to sing. She sounds a lot like Beyoncé.

  “Listen up, honey, learn from me. I’ll tell you all about the birds and the bees,” Lexi croons, her black gloved hands running up and down her body. “There’s boys and men, and nothing between so don’t forget to choose very carefully.”

  I lean in closer, happy to hear my sister bestow some makeout wisdom on me even if I’m imagining this whole thing. Zak is staring at her like I am, though, so maybe this isn’t all in my head after all.

  “Last guy he went for a grab. His player moves were broken and sad. You’d think he’d be happy with a kiss, nothing nasty, but he ain’t getting none from me.” Lexi’s backup dancers appear at her sides and the three break into a chair dance routine, jumping on and off the chair. “’Cause then he tried to—oh yes—he tried to—oh, what’s with all the boys trying to—the bad ones wanna boom ba-ba-boom boom boom. They always wanna boom ba-ba-boom boom boom.”

  Lexi sits on top of her chair and crosses her long legs as I notice the black garter on her left thigh. Fireworks seem to fall from the sky as she sings. The fireworks are probably just the sparks from the campfire, but the glow around Lexi makes her look larger than life. “When a boy does it right, you won’t be able to fight. You’ll start to twitch, so scratch that itch. Oh honey, wait for it.” She motions for me to join her in the tent.

  It looks like so much fun, I can’t resist. I jump up and follow her inside and suddenly I’m dressed like a flapper in a hot pink dress similar to my sister’s. A feather sticks out of the headband on my head. The two of us sing together. “’Cause then he tried to—oh yes—then he tried to—oh—what’s with all the boys trying to? You can’t get the boom ba-ba-boom boom until I feel the boom ba-ba-boom boom boom.”

  When the song ends, I’m actually standing in the tent with Lexi and she’s whispering things in my ear about kissing that I never knew before. It sounds like Jack didn’t know what he was doing and neither did I. A good kiss should be magical. Maybe the next time a boy kisses me, we can make it a moment worth remembering.

  “Whoa!” I hear Sam say from outside the tent. “I don’t need to hear that!”

  “Either do I,” Zak seconds.

  Lexi grabs my hand and pulls me back out to the campfire. The two of us are giggling like we used to when we’d have sleepovers. Before she had a life of her own, the two of us were each other’s best friend. For a moment, it feels like it once was and maybe it could be that way again. We’re still holding hands as we sit back down at the fire.

  “Hey.” Keith is back.

  His hair is messed up and if I’m not mistaken, he’s missed a button or two on his shirt. I remember what Lexi said about kissing and smile to myself. Good for Keith.

  “What did I miss?” he asks.

  The four of us look at each other and try to hide our grins.

  “Nothing!” Sam says loudly.

  “Nothing at all,” Lexi seconds while Zak and I mumble the same.

  Keith runs a hand through his hair. “Come on! Why am I always left out? I’m still hip.”

  Zak groans and we all stand up. This conversation is over.

  “Dude, hip?” Zak shakes his head sadly.

  Lexi puts a hand on Keith’s shoulder. “Calling yourself cool does not make you cool.”

  “Got it.” Keith scratches his head. “I’ll have to remember that.” He counts heads. “Where’s Jason?”

  At that moment, my other brother stumbles out of the woods. His hair actually has a twig in it. He raises his hand. “I’m here.”

  Keith leans over to Jason and examines his neck. “Is that a hickey?”

  “Yep!” Jason walks past him.

  “You could have lied to me,” Keith calls out in the darkness.

  Jason just smiles before climbing into the boy tent and collapsing in a heap on his sleeping bag.

  Keith sighs. “Let’s all get some sleep and figure out where we’re going next in the morning.”

  Sam yawns in agreement and we all turn in. I fall asleep before I can even ask Lexi the one other question I have about kissing—where do I put my hands while the kiss is happening—and the next thing I know the sun is streaming through the tent, birds are chirping loudly like an alarm clock and it’s morning. When I venture outside the tent, I already see Sam and Keith sitting at the picnic table in front of the map. Sam has placed twigs and leaves on it marking stops along the California coastline. The campfire from the night before is still smoldering and it looks like someone tried to make oatmeal on the embers for breakfast. I’m not sure it worked. There’s also an open box of cereal on the table. Smoke billows up to the sky as an owl hoots in the distance.

  “If the campgrounds were flooded, then so were the back roads,” Keith surmises as I walk over. His head is covered in a navy sweatshirt hoodie.

  Lexi stumbles out behind me. “Then let’s stay with the route we’re on.”

  “That’s my vote!” Sam seconds.

  “No,” Jason protests. “The coach at the ball field said the roads were washed out. Dad would have gone toward the coast. He loved the beach. I say we head west.”

  “And what?” Lexi asks. “Search the whole Pacific Coast Highway? That’s
insane.”

  Everyone starts talking over one another. I pull my red sleeping bag around my shoulders. I forgot how cold it is in the morning at the campgrounds. Zak appears looking sleepy and with bedhead.

  “Hold up! I’m in charge,” Keith reminds them.

  “Unfortunately,” Jason mumbles.

  Lexi raises her eyebrows at me. I look at the ground. A Hershey’s Bar wrapper lies at my feet.

  Keith pulls off his hood and looks at Jason. “Do you want to do this? Be in charge? Take care of our finances, figure out Mom’s medical bills, and have to leave school to come back here and take care of you guys? That’s what you want?” He pushes Jason. “Be my guest!”

  “Whoa,” Zak says and tries to step in between them.

  Jason actually looks apologetic. “You’re right. I don’t,” he says quietly. “I’m sorry.”

  Keith sighs. “Me too. Let’s come up with something that makes sense. Look, Anna said maybe Dad headed someplace fun. A place that made him feel like a kid again.”

  “Camping is fun,” Lexi suggests.

  Zak shakes his head. “Camping is not fun.”

  I have an idea. “What about Castle Park? We went every summer and Dad loved it.” I pull over the photo box and whip out a picture of us in front of a group of knights in shining armor.

  Sam gets excited. “You mean the magical and wondrous Knights of the Round Table Castle Park?”

  “It’s in the direction we’re going.” Keith looks at Sam. “Do you like this choice, Navigator?”

  “Yes. Let’s go for it.”

  “Okay then, it’s settled.” Keith looks at Jason who nods. “Let’s pack up and move out.”

  It’s easier taking down the tent than putting it up. We pack up the cooler again and throw out our trash. Roll up our sleeping bags and start piling things in the car. Rachel appears suddenly and Jason and she start kissing again. This time it’s Lexi who yells out “gross!” I don’t say anything. I just jump in the shotgun seat (Sorry, Jason, you snooze, you lose!). I’m putting on my seat belt when Anna appears at Keith’s car window. She leans inside and her park ranger hat almost gets caught on the door.